I grew up my whole life hearing people say how necessary forgiveness is. From the Christian idea of forgiveness to the wellness speeches that took over society over the years. But as a good questioner, I’ve long wondered whether people truly understand what the word “forgiveness” means or what it actually means to forgive. Relax, I’m not here to give you that automatic feel-good talk saying you’ll feel better if you forgive any crawling creature that came into the world just to harm others. My idea of emotional well-being is usually more rebellious and wild. I’m a tigress who knows when to meow and when to roar.
My husband says I have pretty high self-esteem… lucky him. You’ve probably had partners with low self-esteem and know the damage that can do to relationships. But my goal here is to bring a truly genuine provocation (I believe) about the word “forgiveness” and how much people confuse it.
Forgiveness: what meaning?
I’ve wondered whether, when naming things in the world along with their meanings, people were clear about it — or maybe the person was dyslexic like me. Who knows.
But it seems strange even a kind of emotional violence against ourselves to have the duty to forgive a disgusting person who hurt us, just so we can feel good and “move on.” Excuse me? That makes no sense as a criterion for forgiveness.
To me, someone who harmed you out of pure malice or envy or those narcissistic types, doesn’t deserve forgiveness in the way society understands forgiveness. They deserve to be thrown into a deep well of forgetting inside us, as if they had never existed. They deserve to be removed from our lives entirely, with no further access to harm us again.
Forgiveness? I’d rather those people miss me completely and vanish…
Fall into an abyss so deep they never remember I exist and neither do I remember them. I’m not interested in cultivating warm feelings for people who keep causing trouble in life. I’d rather the Universe, in its great wisdom, handle it precisely delivering back to them exactly what they put into the world. And if what they give isn’t good and the Universe balances it out, what exactly do I have to do with that? Nothing, my friends.
And let me be clear: I know that for some people, genuine forgiveness can be a path to healing but for others, what saves is setting boundaries, letting go, and cutting access. Each soul finds its own way to be free.
So when someone tells you that to feel good about yourself you “need to forgive so-and-so,” sometimes without them even asking for forgiveness, just so you can feel like a “good person”, think carefully: is that really it?
More soul, more stories, right this way:
- Creativity: Characteristics of Creatives
- Bohemian Rhapsody and Crime and Punishment: Two Souls, One Cry
- Quantum Physics and Spirituality: Exploring Deeper Realities
- The Science of Intuition: Is Your Gut Feeling Real?
(FAQ) – Forgiveness
1. What does forgiveness really mean?
Forgiveness is often seen as letting go of resentment, but it can also mean setting boundaries, detaching, and refusing further access to harmful people.
2. Do I need to forgive to move on?
Not always. For some, forgiveness is healing; for others, liberation comes through letting go and protecting their own energy.
3. Can forgiveness be harmful?
Yes. Forcing yourself to forgive someone who caused deep harm can feel like emotional violence against yourself, preventing true healing.
4. What is the alternative to forgiveness?
Detachment, boundaries, and consciously removing harmful people from your life. This is also a valid path to freedom.
5. Does everyone find healing in the same way?
No. Each soul finds its own way — some through forgiveness, others through self-protection, distance, and trusting the universe to balance what was done.
